Jianghu :: 2.0

I was exhausted when I got back home, so my last post was rather brief!

I was late leaving for class; I’d got up early to find the rain made the early-morning class with Sun Lao Shi impossible, so blogged and then faffed around instead. I left the university at about the right time… and then didn’t, because the back tyre of my bicycle had gone flat overnight. That means a puncture, and I haven’t got the tools to get the wheel off. There’s a guy who does bicycle repairs in the building next to mine, but he wasn’t there that early. I hung around for a while, but he didn’t show, so in the end I had to take the bus to Wudaokou.

On the subway round about Dongzhimen I was sitting next to an attractive young lady. We both stood up to give our seats to a man with a small child, and that got us talking. She spoke no English, so it wasn’t much of a conversation, though. She’s from Henan, and works for a German company, I got that much. She got off at Chaoyangmen as well, and went the same way as me for a short while; she had a map downloaded off the web and was looking for something, though I didn’t quite understand what. Anyway, we exchanged cards, and when I got online yesterday afternoon I checked out her company’s website - it seems she works for a state-owned counter-surveillance company! Wow. A bit of Googling shows that there’s been foreign investment in it, which is probably where the German bit comes in. I really should talk to random people on the subway more often!

At the Academy, I spent the morning working on downward hook punches; first static, and then stepping. Hard work, for me! The Japanese student arrived mid-morning with the other guy, the one with the gravelly voice; this one never trains. Instead he just sits, smokes cigarettes, and chats. He seems pretty tough, though, and I really get the impression that he’s a minder of some sort for the first guy as they seem to go everywhere together! It makes we wonder who the Japanese student is… I asked Li Xin, but he only said that the Japanese guy’s a fairly long-term student, who’s been training with Master Yao for about 3 years. They were filming again, so Li Xin and I moved outside to practice at the end of the street; this is where a lot of the live-in students have been going to practice when the basement gets really hot, I think. There were a few tots being looked after by their grannies; the kiddies were fascinated by the waiguoren puffing and gasping as he boxed, and some of the grannies gamely ventured to throw a few hooks themselves. Ahh, I love Beijing After I’d done this for an hour or so, we moved on to another fa li exercise, the name of which I forget, a horizontal, slightly rising, chopping move.

Around 12, I figured time was up, so I mentioned to Li Xin I was going to get lunch. He took me back to the Academy because Yao Lao Shi, for some reason, wanted me to be filmed doing a bit of sparring - I’m really not sure why. It didn’t go so well, because I really wasn’t clear what they were asking me to do - it was a kind of back and forth exercise, landing a punch on the opponent’s back hand, freezing, then moving backward so your opponent could land a punch on your back hand, and so on. Heh. I dunno. Anyway, after this Li Xin let me know that we’d come to the end of the fourth module, so the last payment was finished. For me, that seemed to be a good place to stop, with the last three sessions of the week being revision.

I went down to Jianguomen for lunch, and spent the afternoon in Starbucks at the Friendship Store. I was so tired, I almost fell asleep in the window seat. A friend on Twitter informed me that she’d actually done this; apparently, the staff come around and poke you to wake you up! There was another regular customer there, a Chinese woman who always seems to wear the same floral, vaguely cheongsam-styled, dress and a gauzy scarf. Her hair is cut quite short, and she always seems to be in a rush. She carries a big plastic bag, but I’m not sure what’s in it; I always feel torn between wondering whether she’s a creative media type or some sort of street person! Heh, she seems nice, though, and we smile at each other. Guess I’ll not know, since I won’t be back down that way for some time.

I went back to the Academy at 5. Li Xin was taking a new Chinese student through the basics, and really giving him a hard time. I suppose he needs to establish himself as top dog. After about an hour of revision, I decided to head on. By this time Master Yao and the Japanese were back again and doing more filming, and the place was getting crowded, so it seemed like an opportune time.

I have things to do on campus which I wouldn’t be able do till next week if I was going to the Academy today, and they do need to be done, so I decided that I wouldn’t go back today. So, I said my farewells, and thanked Master Yao. He said to just give him a call if I want to go back at any time. I probably will - perhaps in the break after next semester, and maybe on the occasional weekend before that.

So, that was the end of my training at the Yiquan Academy. It feels odd that it’s over, after being immersed in that world for three weeks.

After that it was home, stopping once more for dumplings and beer at Gulou, since that’s also not going to be on my route much from now on.

OK, I’ll write it all up soon, once I’m more rested and I’ve got my chores done.

Ahh, the constant tension between doing what I’m here in Beijing to do, and the job that lets me do it…. (Actually that’s not fair; I really enjoy my job as well…). Anyway, I had to call Master Yao Chengguan to tell him that I can’t meet today as planned; I’ve postponed until tomorrow. I still have end-of-term paperwork to do, and I have to get this article written that was commissioned at the end of last week. Both are due today, and there’s no way I can get down into central Beijing to meet Master Yao AND get all this work done. Never mind, it’s just a temporary glitch.

I took a break yesterday from the mountain of exam papers, and met some friends for lunch at the Vineyard Cafe. One of them was Chinese, a guy who’s dedicated his entire life to martial arts, and is developing a pretty successful school of his own. I’ve known him for several years, and I know that he’s well-connected and respected in the martial arts community in Beijing, and around China (he’s got solid connections at Shaolin and at the Chen village, for example).

I say that because I mentioned that I wanted to try yiquan (not one of his styles), and he made some interesting comments. He asked who I wanted to learn from, and I said Yao Chengguan. His immediate response was: “he’s good. But his brother is better. You should train with him instead.” Well… there’s probably a reason why my friend said this. However: I’ve already arranged to train with Yao Chengguan, and it wouldn’t be respectful to break that (glitches aside). On top of that, my English friend H really enjoyed training with him, plus of course Tabbycat writes very highly of his experience as a foreign student there. I liked him when I met him with H, and - insofar as one can judge - I’ve got a good impression when I’ve spoken on the phone. On the minus side, there did seem to be a very aggressive, high-testosterone, atmosphere in his school, which isn’t the kind of environment I’m looking for. So far, though, my entire personal experience would support Tabbycat’s final impressions on the last post in his blog.

However, as I always say, the proof of the pudding is in the tasting, so I’ll find out, starting tomorrow!

(Longer term, if I continue to train in yiquan, one thing that may be influential is that Yao Chengguang’s school is in the city centre at Dongzhimen, which is very far from me. According to my friend, Yao Chengrong teaches at Zhichunlu, which is significantly closer to my stop at Wudaokou…).

My friend went on to say: “If you start yiquan, you’ll stop baguazhang”, in the sense that I won’t want to carry on with bagua. He went to say that yiquan really has strong neijia power, very similar to that of taijiquan, and is strong because it’s based on stillness. To be honest, I’ve already had suspicions about this. After all, as I wrote recently, I’ve come to realize that what I’m looking for is an effective martial art, the training of which is also an effective meditative technique. The more I learn about it, the more yiquan seems to fit the bill. I’m not sure yet, but if so - well then, obviously yiquan would become my primary style. There wouldn’t be any choice.

I’m not sure that that would mean giving up bagua. Yiquan, like taijiquan, is based on stillness; bagua on constant movement. It’s like the eye of the tornado versus the spout - one still amidst violence, the other sweeping all away before. It seems to me there is value in training for both.

However, this led to my friend’s final comment - in his view, I will have to choose. Until I do, he believes that no teacher will teach the deep truths of their art. If I try to have it both ways, I’ll get nothing but empty forms.

Hmm. Well, I think a lot depends on the teachers, and on the relationships that you have with them. My friend himself knows many arts; how did he learn them, given what he says? Still, over the past few years, a few people have gently chastised me for trying too many different styles with too many different teachers, and I’ve always said the same thing: I’m looking for the right art and the right teacher (right for me, that is; teachers and styles I’ve not stayed with are all excellent, and will exactly right for other people! I don’t for an instant mean to denigrate anyone or any style). I have a feeling that I’m finally narrowing it down.

As an aside, this whole thing about student-teacher relationships, and how much is taught to whom, is probably worth a post on its own…

That kind of sums up how I’ve been feeling lately. Definitely discouraged. Part of the reason I moved to Beijing was to experience the martial arts culture, and to meet great teachers… and I have - but I’ve had so little spare time to train that my practice of martial arts and meditation has gone completely down the drain. That wasn’t part of the plan! The last few weeks have been the worst - end of semester fatigue really drained my energy levels, and the rain has made training even more difficult.

Last weekend was really lousy. I went to meet Master Sun Zhijun for pan guan bi class, and really, I might as well not have gone. In fact, it would have been better if I’d cancelled. I was just so tired I couldn’t get anything right. It was very frustrating. On Sunday, I was still feeling bad, and I didn’t want to have the same experience with Master Sun Ru Xian. I cycled over to his apartment as usual, chatted for a while with him, Rene, and a friend of his who was hanging out shooting the breeze, and arranged to move the class to Tuesday, ie today.

I used the time this freed up to do some paperwork, and then headed downtown - and this time, I got stopped, and had my bag scanned…. I didn’t have the pan guan bi with me on that occasion - I wonder what would have happened if I had…

This is the last week of the semester, and things are starting to fall into place again. I’ve got no teaching, as it’s exam week. I spent much of yesterday sleeping, which has helped things a lot!

I was up at 5am this morning, and met Master Sun at 6. We trained in next to a river near his home, a really great location with lots of trees. Other people were in the vicinity, training taiji double fan, sword, and other styles. We worked on the ba da zhang; I’ve almost got it now, and by the end of the week I should be ready to start working on the details. Tomorrow, I’ll meet him again at the same time, and we’ll work on the first two sequences of the linear 64-palm set. He told me today that he’s there every day, and I’m welcome to train with him whenever I want; it’s all to be considered part of the deal. Cool. Very cool. This is going to help a lot, I think. So far I’ve only been meeting on Sunday mornings, and by it’s already very hot by the time we get started, so it’s not always very productive.

Phew. All of this leads up to a bit of decision-making. I’m about to start a month and a half of vacation, of which two weeks must be in Singapore. How do I pass the time…?

Basically, I need to spend a lot of time preparing next semester’s lessons. I had no opportunity to do this before last semester, so I was constantly in a crazy rush. Preparation now means more time to meditate and practice martial arts once the next semester begins.

In addition, if I can get some freelance work over the summer, it will bring in some cash that I can add to my buffer; that means the insecure nature of this kind of work will give me fewer sleepless nights next semester…

This all says: stay in Beijing. I would love to go to Korea…. but it’s just the wrong time to go on retreat for three weeks. My practice is still too weak to benefit from that, and the opportunity cost is too high.

This does also mean, of course, that I will be able to follow my original plan, and take the yiquan course. I’ll call Master Yao Chengguang later today.

OK, decision made…

… you might get it. So the old saying goes, and wow, it’s just hit me…

Up until this morning, this post would have read as follows:

The good news: my contract’s been renewed. Even better, it will begin at the start of September, rather than October, as I’d previously thought. That’s good, because it’s a whole month that I won’t need to live off my not-so-substantial savings… I won’t have to live like a monk due to poverty I’ll be able to do the month-long yiquan course, go back to Singapore to sort my things out there, and then come back to teach…

… but on the other hand, it means that I won’t be able to live like a month through choice! I had been planning to spend September going to a couple of temples in Korea, and passing a couple of weeks on retreat.

However….this morning, I opened up my inbox to find two significant emails:

1. One opening up the possibility of freelance work, that potentially could earn a (for me) substantial amount of USD. It would need a lot of my time over the summer.
2. A request for help from a temple in Korea that would let me stay on retreat free of charge for several weeks, plus would establish a substantial connection with the abbot. This would take up most of my free time over the summer.

I don’t think I can do both. If I do the first, I can still do the yiquan course. If I do the second, I could perhaps still do one or two weeks of full-time yiquan training.

Damn.

Do I choose money or karma?

Disclaimer: of course, it’s possible that one or both opportunities could fall through, especially if I faff about and dither…..

I’m not sure if I’ve mentioned it before, but about a year ago someone asked why I study martial arts. It was someone I’d met through Facebook, someone I don’t know in real life, but who is herself involved in martial arts (Sunmudo, actually!).

I couldn’t answer. In fact, it left me incapable of continuing the conversation, and we’ve barely been in touch since.

“Why do you study martial arts?”.

Such a simple question! But whenever I tried to grasp the answer, it slipped away from me. It was there, but I couldn’t see it, only the shape of its absence. I’ve thought about it almost every day since, sensing how close it is. I couldn’t find the answer, though…

Ever since then, whenever someone’s asked, I’ve given the usual glib answers - but I’ve known that they’re not the real reason.

Why am I studying martial arts? I began to wonder, myself. This elusive question… It seemed to cause a mental paralysis. I could function perfectly well as long as I didn’t think about it. As soon as I did, though, my reasoning ability left me; there was a hole that I could never quite focus on…

A year….

Then today it hit me. It’s been my own personal koan. Aren’t there Zen monks who spend their lives contemplating one specific question, waiting for it to finally wear down their intellectual, rationalising mind, until they break through beyond into direct experience?

I’m studying martial arts because I want stillness and an empty mind. Clarity. A mind like a clear pool, where all the silt has settled.

Meditation does this. Regular sitting practice, in my own experience (never mind books, or what people say), has shown me this. After my first Vipassana retreat, I had a taste of it, and it lasted for almost nine months. It wore off. Right after that, I began my MBA, and that knocked my meditation practice into a cocked hat; I’ve never managed to get it back on track.

I’m working on fixing that. But even so… anyone can be calm when they’re on retreat. The hermit is untroubled… but in the city, how do we maintain stillness of mind? Of course, regular sitting practice develops mindfulness; meditators do get stronger, and can maintain their calm mind in daily life. What about when we’re faced with existential fear - like, for example, finding yourself broke and stranded in a foreign land? (Not that I’m in that situation, I hasten to add! It’s not impossible to imagine, though!)

The key to this breakthrough may have been in that visit to the Yiquan Academy. After the zhan zhuang, I was pushing hands with a bigger, stronger, opponent who was doing his best to push me backwards into a coatstand. The zhan zhuang, though, had left me calm, centred, able to observe and react impartially, without emotional engagement.

It only struck me later: that is what I’m looking for. That is why I’m studying martial arts, and the internal martial arts in particular.

The health benefits aren’t the reason, though they help.

The ability to defend myself isn’t the reason, though it will be great if I ever get that good.

I’m studying to try to reach that calm, to maintain that clear pool, even when someone is trying to knock me silly, or flatten me. When I’m faced with the really big fears. When there’s nowhere to go but through. Meditation in motion - just like it said on the tin. Baguazhang, taijiquan, and yiquan - they’re all getting me there. I just didn’t realise it till now.

Meditation training with extreme prejudice, perhaps.

Do you think I’m crazy yet? Or are you perhaps thinking, everyone knew this, what’s the big deal? Well… I could have repeated it to you before, because I’ve read it in books. Now, though, I’ve directly experienced it - and it went so deep it took me a while to realize what had happened.

Wow.

Now I really can’t wait to get started with the yiquan.