Jianghu :: 2.0

This is a rant. You’vebeen warned!

The TV crew were in touch again last week; they wanted to film me at my bagua needles class. I said sure, as long as Master Sun agrees. There wasn’t much problem there, as they’ve already been filming Dragoncache and others training with him. So, all cool there.

Yesterday morning, they were in touch again. It was heavily overcast, and they were afraid it was going to rain - so, could we move the lesson forward to 2pm? OK, I said, as long as Master Sun is OK with this. They called back a bit later - sure, all fine.

So, I arrived just before 2, and find the TV crew sitting in their car outside the apartment block. We go up to Master Sun’s apartment, I ring the doorbell… and start getting a very bad feeling… Plainly, no-one is expecting us. Master Sun, his family, and two of his Chinese students are there… the students speak good English, and say of course we couldn’t move the lesson - Mi Lao Shi is still on her way and won’t be here till 3… Of course, at this point I felt terribly embarrassed. Turning up unannounced with a TV crew behind me is not how I like to approach my teachers! Very clearly, nothing had been agreed. I’m increasingly feeling that the director simply lied to me about that. So, at this point, I said very sorry, I’ll be back at 3, left and went outside to train on my own for the next hour. The TV crew emerged very shortly afterwards but, frankly, I didn’t want to talk to them, and they kept their distance.

At 3, Mi Lao Shi arrived, Master Sun and his other students came out, and we got started. The previous hour of practice had helped a lot, so I was pretty warmed up and able to give the lesson my best - which isn’t very good at all! The cameras brought out lots of gawkers, even though they must have all seen me many times before; it’s funny what a media presence does to people! Anyway, so there was quite a crowd. Master Sun and Mi Lao Shi gave me lots of correction on fine details, which will make me look even more clueless on the film, but which was very very useful all the same!

I had a quick chat with Mi Lao Shi afterwards; I wanted to take a break for the summer. I’m not paid when I’m not teaching, so (at that point) it looked like I would be without any income until the end of October. More on that in a later post.

Anyway, at this point things really went off the rails. The whole point of my involvement in this TV thing is that they wanted to profile foreigners in China who are studying martial arts. No problem. I agreed to this, and said that it was fine to follow my life. However, let me be clear that I’m not being paid for my involvement in this. From this point onwards, it became clear that the TV crew had an agenda, and they didn’t want to just film a documentary; they have a narrative they want to tell, and Dragoncache and I are going to be fitted into it,whether we like it or not.

So… after the class I planned to go to the Bookworm, where Dragoncache and I normally meet up. The director had other ideas. She wanted to take me to a martial arts shop. Well, the penny hadn’t yet dropped, and it sounded interesting, so I called Dragoncache, we agreed to see what happened and stay in touch, and so the crew and I went off in two cars. It turned out that we were going to Tiyu Daxue, the Sports University…

We arrived in the wrong place. My car did at least… We came to a martial arts equipment store that I already knew - it’s the same one that my other teacher, Sun Ru Xian, recommended to me, and where I’ve already bought a few things. The cameraman went in to see if this was where he was meant to be going… it wasn’t;he called the director, who was in the other car, and found out we were going to another shop, in the next street. However - the owner came out, and recognized me. Now, once again, I felt really bad. Perhaps I’m taking this too seriously, but because I’ve been given discounts there as a student of Sun Ru Xian, I felt very awkward that the cameras had gone in, turned around, and walked out again - so I insisted we go in and film. And, as it happens, they have some very cool, very high quality - and thus very expensive - weapons there. While we were doing this impromptu filming, Daroncache and his wife arrived, as did the director and the rest of the crew.

We were there for quite some time; the owner gave some kungfu spear demos, and got interviewed. After that, we all left. Dragoncache and I were both really hungry, but we were told that we still had to go to the original shop… “because it was cheaper”…. I have no idea why. We went there, milled around, didn’t do anything structured… and there really wasn’t anything interesting there… The quality of the equipment was much lower. Dragoncache thought it was because they wanted to film us haggling over a purchase, but neither of us wanted to buy anything…

Phew. Finally, we got to eat. They took us to a Shanxi restaurant, and I have to say, the food was good. The crew paid, so at least I’ve got a free meal out of all this… at the expense of any remaining dignity. At one point, someone said something to the effect of “look, they can use chopsticks”, so they insisted we be filmed picking up peas and eating them… Yes, guys, hairy foreign devils can be taught how to use chopsticks, get over it, it’s not a big deal any more….

At this point, Dragoncache and I just lost interest in the whole affair. We made our excuses and got out as soon as possible! His wife and another student took a cab downtown; we headed off to Wudaokou, and finally got to catch up! It’s been a while since we last met, and we had a fair bit to chat about… I’ll talk about that another time, though.

So… on the whole, I don’t think the TV crew are bad, as such. They’re just… media people It’s been an interesting experience. It may even have another chapter… When they filmed me on campus, they said it was just backup because the weather was poor - but yesterday, they said they may not have time to film ‘for real’… but maybe they’ll come back next Friday, we’ll see. It’s pretty clear now, though, that this programme, if it gets aired, will be basically fiction as far as I’m concerned - goodness only knows what they’ll do with the editing

Tokyo Manga has a short, insightful interview with the ex-alcoholic, ex-paratrooper, youngest brother of the Dalai Lama. After what seems to have been an intense life, he’s found peace. However, he’s probably not on Steven Seagal’s Christmas card list.

I’m not sure if I’ve mentioned it before, but about a year ago someone asked why I study martial arts. It was someone I’d met through Facebook, someone I don’t know in real life, but who is herself involved in martial arts (Sunmudo, actually!).

I couldn’t answer. In fact, it left me incapable of continuing the conversation, and we’ve barely been in touch since.

“Why do you study martial arts?”.

Such a simple question! But whenever I tried to grasp the answer, it slipped away from me. It was there, but I couldn’t see it, only the shape of its absence. I’ve thought about it almost every day since, sensing how close it is. I couldn’t find the answer, though…

Ever since then, whenever someone’s asked, I’ve given the usual glib answers - but I’ve known that they’re not the real reason.

Why am I studying martial arts? I began to wonder, myself. This elusive question… It seemed to cause a mental paralysis. I could function perfectly well as long as I didn’t think about it. As soon as I did, though, my reasoning ability left me; there was a hole that I could never quite focus on…

A year….

Then today it hit me. It’s been my own personal koan. Aren’t there Zen monks who spend their lives contemplating one specific question, waiting for it to finally wear down their intellectual, rationalising mind, until they break through beyond into direct experience?

I’m studying martial arts because I want stillness and an empty mind. Clarity. A mind like a clear pool, where all the silt has settled.

Meditation does this. Regular sitting practice, in my own experience (never mind books, or what people say), has shown me this. After my first Vipassana retreat, I had a taste of it, and it lasted for almost nine months. It wore off. Right after that, I began my MBA, and that knocked my meditation practice into a cocked hat; I’ve never managed to get it back on track.

I’m working on fixing that. But even so… anyone can be calm when they’re on retreat. The hermit is untroubled… but in the city, how do we maintain stillness of mind? Of course, regular sitting practice develops mindfulness; meditators do get stronger, and can maintain their calm mind in daily life. What about when we’re faced with existential fear - like, for example, finding yourself broke and stranded in a foreign land? (Not that I’m in that situation, I hasten to add! It’s not impossible to imagine, though!)

The key to this breakthrough may have been in that visit to the Yiquan Academy. After the zhan zhuang, I was pushing hands with a bigger, stronger, opponent who was doing his best to push me backwards into a coatstand. The zhan zhuang, though, had left me calm, centred, able to observe and react impartially, without emotional engagement.

It only struck me later: that is what I’m looking for. That is why I’m studying martial arts, and the internal martial arts in particular.

The health benefits aren’t the reason, though they help.

The ability to defend myself isn’t the reason, though it will be great if I ever get that good.

I’m studying to try to reach that calm, to maintain that clear pool, even when someone is trying to knock me silly, or flatten me. When I’m faced with the really big fears. When there’s nowhere to go but through. Meditation in motion - just like it said on the tin. Baguazhang, taijiquan, and yiquan - they’re all getting me there. I just didn’t realise it till now.

Meditation training with extreme prejudice, perhaps.

Do you think I’m crazy yet? Or are you perhaps thinking, everyone knew this, what’s the big deal? Well… I could have repeated it to you before, because I’ve read it in books. Now, though, I’ve directly experienced it - and it went so deep it took me a while to realize what had happened.

Wow.

Now I really can’t wait to get started with the yiquan.

Dragoncache sent me an SMS a couple of weeks ago - would I like to be on TV? I should know better - I’ve had bad experiences of being on TV - but like a fool I still said sure, tell me more..

It turns out that CCTV (China’s State Broadcasting Agency) have set up a new English-medium channel, to be broadcast in the US (and maybe Europe?). Someone had had the idea of a programme about foreigners coming to China to study martial arts. You can see where this is going, right..?

I met the reporter, Sunny, shortly afterwards at Lush, and we chatted for a few hours. She decided they would feature me, and arranged to come to the University on Tuesday last week. Well, that got cancelled, rearranged, altered, etc, and eventually they came on Friday. We spent most of the morning in the garden where I normally train, plus some time filming me cycling around campus.

Heh. I don’t think they asked me the right questions… They filmed me going through a taiji set. Now, I was perfectly happy to tell them that it wasn’t a form taught in China, but instead was developed by a high-ranking Guomindang official who subsequently moved to Taiwan and New York… but they didn’t ask…. When it came to bagua, Sun Lao Shi’s admonition that I’m not good enough to represent him yet was still fresh in my mind, so I used the form I first learned from Zhang Sheng Li back in 2004; I’ve practised it regularly, so no problems there.

Of course, I’ve always said on this blog that I’m not very good, and that’s not false modesty. Now, who knows, you may get to see it on TV or, more likely, on YouTube… I’m not embarrassed by this, btw - I’m learning at my own pace and in my own way, and I’m happy enough; I don’t feel any need to compare myself to anyone else!

It was interesting, given that I’ve thought about trying out acting sometime; we had to do some shots many times, because the cameraman thought my expression wasn’t quite right… They interviewed me about why I’m here, and as usual, my brain turned to mush as soon as the camera went on - all of the coherent arguments and turns of phrase that worked well in rehearsal turned to blah bleh uuurgghh dribble….

It was also interesting because the cameraman asked me to repeat certain moves so that he could shoot from different angles; not see easy to know what he meant, when the translator says can you repeat the bit where you [cue waving of arms that's apparently meant to indicate what I should do... but doesn't...] Even when I worked out what he wanted, I found it really hard to do just a couple of moves in isolation; I needed to work up to them by repeating part or all of the form….

Later, they filmed me in class, (they needed material to show my daily life) and we had a clash of wills as the director started ordering my students around; I had to remind her that this was my class, not hers, and she should just film and stay out of the way…

In the evening, I was due to meet friends at the Drum and Bell, so as part of the ‘daily life’ bit, the camera crew tagged along. We got there early, so they filmed me strolling around the hutong to the side of the Bell Tower, and tried to get me to play badminton with the local kids… I refused - no problem filming my ‘normal life’ but I’m not going to let them make stuff up….

Oh, and that day had really bad air quality, so they say that the footage they took of me practising is “just in case”; they’ll get back to me again to shoot more when the air is clear and the sky is blue. Plus, they want footage of Dragoncache and I chilling out, chatting, practising together (which we never do), and drinking beer together (which we often do)….

Aiyoh…. I should have learned that being on TV only means trouble… now I’ll end up on YouTube being mocked by people who are actually good at bagua and taiji…. What have I done????

My class this morning with Master Sun Ru Xian went pretty well; we reviewed the 5th, 6th and 8th palms of the Ba Da Zhang, he gave a demo of the Shanxi whipstaff, and then we all had lunch. “We” here meaning Sun Lao Shi, his wife, Rene, Rene’s girlfriend, and myself. All but me speak Mandarin, so on these occasions I just nod and smile a lot, and Rene translates when he can.

A bit of trivia came up - Wan Lai Sheng, the famous Ziranmen master, and one of the “Five Tigers who went to the south”, was a graduate of China Agricultural University, where I’m teaching. Heh.

Speaking of the university, we lecturers are still waiting to hear about our contracts - if we will have our contracts renewed (probably), and which subjects we’ll be teaching if we do get a contract. Some of next semester’s courses begin in September, others in October. If I start in October, I’m very tempted to spend most of September in Korea. I have an invitation to visit the Kwan Um centre in Daejon, and I’m really tempted to spend a week or so in the Golgulsa temple, where they teach Sunmudo. This latter would be a bonus - my reason for going to stay in the temples would be to get some intensive meditation done, which I really need at the moment.

I mentioned this to Sun Lao Shi, and he wasn’t happy. He said that I must practice bagua a lot beforehand if I go - since people in Golgulsa (well, one person) know that I study martial arts, I would be a representative of the Chinese martial arts community in general, and of his students in particular. In his opinion, I’m not good enough. He’s quite right, but I hadn’t the least intention of giving demonstrations… Still, as I mentioned, he’s the most traditional of my teachers, and here’s the proof. Yikes. Well, ok: there’s a challenge to me to practice more during July and August.

Can do.